For Executive and Personal Assistants, technical skills and organisational wizardry are only half the job. The other half (often the more demanding) is emotional intelligence (EI), and the best EAs/PAs know how to utilise this skill to the best of their abilities.
Abigail Jones, our Ask Abi columnist, is a senior EA, qualified coach and mentor. She advises assistants on dilemmas and burning questions sent to us. In our Winter 2025 Issue, Abi shares her expertise and experience on emotional intelligence in the role of an EA.
Summary of an assistant’s guide to emotional intelligence
Every day, you’re managing not just diaries and deadlines, but people and emotions. You need to deal with an anxious client or vendor on the phone, a stressed-out executive running late, or a team member who feels overlooked. How you handle these moments defines not only your effectiveness but also your professional reputation. Let’s go through some practical strategies for navigating sensitive situations while protecting your own calm and credibility.
What is emotional intelligence?
At its core, emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions, not only your own, but those of others. For assistants, EI means reading between the lines, anticipating how someone feels, and responding in a way that smooths situations rather than inflames them.
Daniel Goleman, the psychologist who popularised the concept, describes EI in four key areas: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management. These skills are vital in your role because you are often the first point of contact and the calm in the storm.
Below are some scenarios on how to turn tense moments into opportunities to shine with empathy, tact, and calm authority.
How assistants can use emotional intelligence in these challenging moments at work:
Dealing with a frustrated colleague
Imagine a colleague storms over to complain that your executive has cancelled yet another meeting. Instead of matching their irritation or brushing them off, EI calls for empathy. Acknowledge their frustration: “I understand how valuable your time is, and I can see this is frustrating.” Then, shift to problem-solving: “Let’s look at the calendar together to find an alternative that works.” By validating their feelings before moving to logistics, you de-escalate tension and preserve the relationship.
The stressed executive
Assistants often serve as a buffer for their executives, and stress is contagious. If your boss is overwhelmed before a big presentation, EI helps you respond with calm reassurance rather than absorbing their stress. A simple phrase like, “I’ve double-checked your slides and the room is set up and you’re all ready,” provides practical reassurance while signalling stability.
The sensitive confidentiality
You may also be entrusted with information that has personal or professional sensitivities. EI here means exercising discretion without gossip or over-explaining. If asked about something you cannot disclose, you can reply with professionalism: “That’s not something I can share, but I’ll make sure the right update reaches you when possible.” This balances honesty with tact, and can get you out of awkward situations.
This assistant’s guide to emotional intelligence helps you build your EI toolkit
Emotional intelligence isn’t fixed; it can be strengthened like a muscle.
- Pause before reacting: A few seconds of composure can prevent regret later.
- Listen actively: Sometimes people need to feel heard more than they need an immediate solution.
- Read the room: Pay attention to tone, body language, and what isn’t being said.
- Practice self-care: It’s hard to manage others’ emotions if you’re running on empty.
The payoff
When you use EI consistently, people see you not only as an assistant but as a trusted advisor and someone who brings steadiness and perspective to challenging moments. That reputation is invaluable, both for your current role and for your long-term career growth.
In short, emotional intelligence is not “soft” at all- it’s a power skill. For executive and personal assistants, it transforms sensitive situations into opportunities to shine with professionalism, empathy, and grace.
Follow Abi on Instagram on @thepacoach
You can read more excellent advice to assistants in our Ask Abi columns.
If you have a questions or dilemma you’d like Abi to address in PA Life magazine, please email editorial@palife.co.uk with subject Ask Abi.
