The Winter Issue 2024 Ask Abi column by Abigail Jones, a career EA, answers burning questions relating to the Assistants’ careers and roles sent to us by our readers. Abi currently works at Spotify and also provides professional coaching and mentoring to individuals and corporate groups. This time she addresses the question on how to resolve conflict with PA/EA colleagues…
Given that so much of our lives are spent at work, it’s such a shame when there is discord or toxic behaviour in the workplace amongst colleagues.
Abigail answers our Autumn 2025 Issue’s Ask Abi question, stating that she can only give very generic advice without knowing your specific circumstances. However, there are a few options you could try:
How to resolve conflict with PA and EA colleagues who don’t get along or see you as competition
1. Modelling collaborative behaviour yourself
Don’t try and match bad behaviour with worse behaviour- this includes bad mouthing, venting and gossiping. Choose whom you talk to (and what you share) carefully. Look for people who are constructive, have your best interests at heart, will challenge your perspective when they disagree, and can be discreet.
2. Step away from conflict and try to approach it from a neutral point of view
If you are adding any fuel to the fire, try to step away and become neutral- look up the ‘grey rock technique’. Avoid drama and stay focused on the work.
3. Try to open up the communication by encouraging a dialogue
What is the core of the problem? Do they feel toes are being stepped on? Is there a conflict arising from unclear job descriptions or role expectations?
4. Explore opportunities for collaboration
Could a shared purpose encourage allyship instead of competition?
5. What would change if you manage to overcome the conflict
How will your work life improve? Keep this as your motivation. The strategies you will choose will depend on the context, the relationships, and your workplace. Try to come up with a couple of options you could use and implement them- if they don’t work, you might need to try something else.
6. Engage a neutral party such as HR to help solve the conflict
If intervention is needed, then look to someone, ideally a neutral party, HR or a line manager, who can mediate discussions and help find common ground. The goal is to foster a positive work environment.
As a side note, Amy Cuddy’s talk on ‘How to spot a bully’ which you can find on YouTube and other social media, is worth a watch. And finally, if it’s really that bad, or you don’t feel it’s worth the time and the effort to fix the situation, you might think of leaving. If it’s affecting your mental or physical health then take the necessary steps to either resolve it, or remove yourself from the situation. Life is too short to be miserable at work.
Follow Abi on Instagram @thepacoach
Email your burning question in total confidence to editorial@palife.co.uk, subject ‘Ask Abi’.
