How to resolve conflict with PA/EA colleagues you don’t get along with, or who see you as competition?

The Winter Issue 2024 Ask Abi column by Abigail Jones, a career EA, answers burning questions relating to the Assistants’ careers and roles sent to us by our readers. Abi currently works at Instagram and also provides professional coaching and mentoring to individuals and corporate groups. This time she addresses the question on how to resolve conflict with PA/EA colleagues…

Given that so much of our lives are spent at work, it’s such a shame when there is discord or toxic behaviour in the workplace amongst colleagues.

How to resolve conflict with PA/EA colleagues

I can only give very generic advice here as I don’t know your specific circumstances, but I think there are a few options you could try:

• Modelling collaborative behaviour yourself, don’t try and match bad behaviour with worse behaviour – this includes bad mouthing, venting and gossiping. Choose whom you talk to (and what you share) carefully. Look for people who are constructive, have your best interests at heart, will challenge your perspective when they disagree, and can be discreet.
• If you are adding any fuel to the fire, try to step away and become neutral – look up the ‘grey rock technique’. Avoid drama and focus on work.
• Try to open communication by encouraging dialogue; what is the core of the problem? Do they feel toes are being stepped on? Is there a conflict arising from unclear job descriptions or role expectations?
• Are there any opportunities for collaboration? Could a shared purpose encourage allyship instead of competition?
• Look to the future – if you manage to overcome the conflict, what would be different? How will your work life improve? Keep this as your motivation. The strategies you will choose will depend on the context, the relationships, and your workplace. Try to come up with a couple of options you could use and implement them – if they don’t work, you will need to try something else.
• If intervention is needed, then look to someone, ideally a neutral party, HR or a line manager, who can mediate discussions and help find common ground. The goal is to foster a positive work environment. As a side note, Amy Cuddy’s talk on ‘How to spot a bully’ which you can find on YouTube and other social media, is worth a watch. And finally, if it’s really that bad, or you don’t feel it’s worth the time and the effort to fix the situation, you might think of leaving. If it’s affecting your mental or physical health then take the necessary steps to either resolve it, or remove yourself from the situation. Life is too short to be miserable at work.

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