The most successful PAs are able to deal with new people on all levels, manage events and talk to large groups with no apparent concerns. Although we call this confidence, what these impressive people actually have is high self-esteem; a firm belief in and respect for themselves and their abilities.
Self-esteem is the opinions and beliefs you hold about yourself. It affects how you feel about yourself and how confident you are and in turn affects your personal, social and work life. Having high self-esteem can give you confidence, optimism and the resilience to cope with the stresses and pressures of life.
Low self-esteem is a product of negative beliefs and thoughts about yourself, often focussing on what you see as your weaknesses and mistakes. The beliefs that cause low self-esteem may be brought on by comparing yourself negatively to others, by your personality, or by negative experiences in your childhood or adult life. But if you are held back by low self-esteem, it is important to remember that how we value ourselves is not fixed at one level – it is based on our on-going experiences and beliefs, rather than facts, and can change over time.
The effects of low self-esteem
Low self-esteem can leave you feeling that you don’t deserve the respect or attention of your colleagues, while allowing them to mistreat or take advantage of you. Being sensitive to criticism, and avoiding activities which may expose you to it, or believing you are not as intelligent, hardworking or competent as your co-workers can lead you to avoid challenges and new opportunities at work, limiting your career development and probably putting pressure on yourself to produce perfect work or meet impossibly high standards.
Even if you don’t under-value yourself, we can all feel a little overwhelmed occasionally. And sometimes it is useful to ‘spring-clean’ your self-image just as you would your desktop, popping any old, negative files into the trash and bringing useful and positive material to a more prominent position. The key to improving self-esteem is to challenge and change any negative beliefs you hold about your value as a person.
What to do now
Start by assessing your beliefs and creating a more balanced sense of your worth:
• Identify your negative thoughts about yourself – write down what you think are your weaknesses and failings, and what you believe others think of you.
• Challenge these beliefs by writing a list of positives – what do you like about yourself? What are you good at? What skills do you have? What positive things have people said to you? What do others like and admire about you?
• Identify situations that make you feel this way – for example, do you avoid certain tasks you feel unable to do well, or not speak up in meetings because you believe your opinion is not valuable or valued, or you will be wrong?
• If you are feeling under qualified for your role, ask your employer to enrol you for a course that will bring you up to date. This will boost your value to the company and yourself.
• Write down positive events, small successes and things you’ve done that you’re proud of. It can be difficult to blow your own trumpet, so write this list over time and ask colleagues, family and friends for their thoughts if it helps, until you have a long list of positive things.
• Read part of the list each day for a little boost. Take some time to read the whole thing when you feel anxious or low and before important events to remind yourself what you are capable of.
What to do every day:
When you feel that you have an understanding of why you have low self-esteem and what you need to do to change it, move to the next level. Start with a few simple day-by-day changes:
• Before you do anything else, look in the mirror. Is your hair well cut and coloured? Are your clothes tidy and well cared for? Shoes well heeled? Fingers manicured, makeup and jewellery nicely applied? You want people to realise your worth, so show them you believe in yourself.
• Assert yourself. Before you go into a room, pause, take a breath and square your shoulders; with good posture you will look (and feel) more confident, positive and impressive. Stand up straight, use confident, open body language and express your feelings and opinions quietly but positively.
• Gradually boost your self-worth – set yourself small but meaningful challenges to gradually boost your confidence. Face your fears and test yourself with stressful situations, remembering to focus on the positives.
• Work at your resilience to mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes – successful people simply don’t get put off by them.
• Practise saying “no” to unrealistic or excessive demands at work, set boundaries to what you are willing to do and if you take on a time-consuming task, feel confident to delegate or ask for help if needed.
What to do outside the office:
Outside work there are things you can do to help yourself feel strong and successful in all your roles.
• Be around people who value you and with whom you feel free to express yourself – this is what our friends are for.
• Spend less time with critical people in your life who encourage your negative beliefs or undermine your confidence and try to be more assertive with them.
• Be positive to others. Give them the encouragement, support and praise that you need yourself and you will put yourself in a positive role and feel good about yourself.
• Achieve a good work-life balance. Remember that you will be stronger if you make time for yourself, family and friends.
• Take regular exercise, which boosts your self-image. Even just going for a walk can lift your mood. Running, walking, or swimming also creates a great ‘thinking space’ to put things in perspective.
• Get enough sleep. Tiredness makes you dull and irritable, lowers mood and confidence, and increases negative feelings. A well-rested brain will keep you bright and on target all day.
• Eat a regular, well balanced diet. Caffeine and sugary junk foods give a temporary boost before causing your energy levels and mood to crash. Eat fresh and then feel good about it.
Remember: it can help to bear in mind someone you admire when pushing yourself outside your comfort zone, but don’t compare yourself to other people. Have a role model or a hero, but also enjoy and appreciate being the star of your career and believe you can achieve your goals in your own unique way.
