It’s easy to find yourself worrying about what others think of you – your manager, clients and colleagues, even friends. But one opinion matters even more than these – yours
We think about how others perceive us when we get ready in the morning, at meetings and interviews and in almost any social situation. Self-confidence is the belief in your own abilities and trust in your judgement and it is essential for realising your full potential. How you feel about yourself and what you are capable of influences how you present yourself to the world and the way you interact with others.
Lack of confidence in yourself can affect your performance at work, career opportunities and your social life. You’re never going to get that dream job if you don’t believe in yourself enough to even fill out the application form and interviewers won’t employ someone who doesn’t seem sure of their own abilities. While it’s important to be realistic and avoid arrogance, a strong sense of self-confidence can benefit your career, relationships and general wellbeing. If you feel confident, others will view you as being reliable, competent and successful.
Your confidence in yourself can be seen by others through:
•Your body language
•The way you talk
•Your behaviour and attitude
•How you react to situations
The word self-confidence is often used interchangeably with self-esteem. Self-esteem refers to how you feel about yourself and who you are, and while good self-esteem may lead to self-confidence it is possible for someone with high self-esteem to still feel uncomfortable in the spotlight. Equally, that star colleague and confident public speaker you envy may have that drive to achieve at work due to a need to boost their self-esteem.
Low self-confidence is characterised by negative thoughts about yourself and your ability to succeed, which in turn perpetuate under achievement, such as:
•Thinking you will fail or be unsuccessful
•Lack of ambition or direction in your life
•Feeling shy, or that you are unable to engage or interest others
•Feeling uncomfortable in new situations or meeting new people
•Comparing yourself negatively to others
•Dissatisfaction with your career and relationships
•Feeling useless or worthless
Like any skill, self-confidence can be developed and improved. As with all personal development, you need to set realistic goals, and identify and accept your weaknesses before you can improve on them. Setting yourself unreachable goals or unrealistic time constraints will only lead to stress and anxiety, and knock your confidence further when you fail to meet them. Often our self-confidence varies depending on the situation. You may find you are confident meeting new people but feel nervous or shy talking to your boss or giving a presentation. It is useful to identify situations where you feel more confident as something to build on, and to help you think about why you lack confidence in other situations.
How to increase your self-confidence:
•Build on your strengths, abilities and skills
•Value yourself and acknowledge what you are good at – be aware of your successes
•Write down all the things you are good at, your skills and achievements
•Set short and long term goals for small steps of improvement
•Improve your skills or develop new skills through training
•Make time for hobbies or join an interest group. Doing things you enjoy and are good at, and meeting like-minded people, can increase confidence
•Take part in exercise and sports. Physical exercise is known to boost self-confidence
•Approach your ‘low confidence’ situations and new situations with a positive attitude. Focus on what you can do rather than the possibility of failure
•Use confident body language. A firm handshake and good posture will not only make you look more confident but you’ll feel it too
•Speak up, share your opinions and ideas
•Don’t focus on other peoples judgements about you or your life
•If your lack of confidence is due to low self-esteem, try to improve this first. It is easier to feel confident if you feel comfortable with who you are
•Get support from a professional such as counselling or a life coach if needed
